My Fellow Americans, I come before you tonight to do something that I have failed to do during my last 6 years in office; and that is to speak to you honestly and openly.

The office of the presidency of the United States is the most powerful office in the most powerful country in the world. I recognized that when my daddy was in Washington and I was still partying in Houston and New Orleans.

And I now come before you to admit that I have been less than forthcoming with the very people who voted to send me here. To those who didn’t vote for me, these are things that you probably have known all along.

When I came to this office in 2000; I came to it knowing full well that something was wrong with the way I got to the White House. And yes I now acknowledge that there were problems with the voting in Florida and the recount. But I knew that as long as I had Florida Secretary of State, Katherine Harris, on my side; along with my brother Jeb, I would come out on top. In politics, sometimes you do whatever you have to do to win.

And in 2004, well I was able to fool America’s right wing again.

I also want to tell you that when I got here in 2000, I already had my political agenda laid out. That agenda included making my rich Republican friends richer and even more powerful. I also had a plan for enriching people like my Vice President Dick Cheney; in return for his agreeing to be my vice president. I also knew that I would help the rich corporations like Halliburton and my friends in the energy companies make more money than even they could count. And I knew that I could sell it to the religious right; if I told them that God speaks to me.

In September of 2001 we got caught with our pants down. Even though our own intelligence showed that something like the attacks could happen, we failed to pay attention to all the folks we should have listened to. I ignored the warnings by my top anti-terrorism advisor Richard Clark when he warned me that something like this could happen. I should have listened.

Instead of going after the real terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, we decided that we would tell the American people that

there was a connection between the attacks of September 11 and Saddam Hussein in Iraq and we would go in there to finish what my daddy had started. I was mad that Saddam had threatened my daddy’s life; it became a personal thing with me. I would show him; smoke him out of his hole. Afghanistan was just an attempt to get things stirred up in the Middle East; you know a little deceptive war tactic.

But first, I had to convince you that there was a connection and scare you into thinking that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction when I knew damn well that they didn’t. I had to convince you that if we didn’t fight them over there we would have to fight them here. Good line huh; if that doesn’t get your attention I don’t know what will?

Cheney was adamant, and he also knew that Iraq represented an opportunity for Halliburton, the company he once ran, to reap billions of dollars from the rebuilding effort. So I went against my own better judgment and went along with the invasion. I let our Secretary of Defense, Rummy, talk me into bombing the hell out of them; even helped with picking the name for the operation; shock and awe!

And yes, I was fully aware of our torturing of Iraqi prisoners; but told my legal counsel Alberto Gonzales to justify it for us; and he did a fine job.

That Bertie; he’s doing a heck of a job as Attorney General don’t you think?

And now, we’re in too deep in Iraq to get out without some serious consequences. I know Cindy Sheehan and all those liberals are right when they talk bad about us and remind us of all the young men and women who have lost their lives in Iraq. But now that we’ve devastated the country and created a civil war, how do we get out? Besides, I’m telling you, there’s oil in them there hills.

Now; to some things that have been in the news lately.

I’ll make it simple; Tom DeLay is as guilty as OJ was, always has been; I do know Jack Abramoff personally, took a ton of pictures with him, and got tons of money from him so that I could get reelected and did a few political favors in return; and all those senators that are saying that they were not influenced

by the money they received from Abramoff and special interest groups are either living in a fantasy world or are in denial. I can tell you from personal experience that nothing talks louder than money in Washington.

And as far as the leak of Valerie Plame being a CIA undercover agent, I knew about that too, but decided that it was in my best political interest to let Cheney do his thing and try to discredit her husband Joe Wilson. Just part of the game, you know.

Now to Hurricane Katrina, I knew that we had failed miserably to protect those poor people in New Orleans. But since I was on vacation and doing some fund raising out west, I just thought it would be best to lay the blame on the local yokels in Louisiana. I told Brownie that he was doing a heck of a job when in fact I knew he was incompetent and had no business running FEMA.

But look at all the good that has come out of it. Halliburton and all the other corporations have been able to make billions in the recovery effort and Houston’s population has grown by 150,000 people overnight. Yes, I know that people still are out there living in tents and that the federal government has not done a very good job of taking care of its own; but hey, those people chose to stay there; that’s not my fault.

Just today, I learned that we are going to allow the United Arab Emirates, Dubai, a country that was once aligned with Osama, and where two of the 9-11 hijackers came from, to operate 8 of our major shipping ports. Now this kind of thing I should have known about sooner, and if I hadn’t read the paper I probably would have never known about this deal. It’s just that sometimes the people who I have surrounded myself with, you know, Karl Rove, Andy Card, Scott McClellan, and of course Cheney don’t tell me everything I need to know. In fact, sometimes they act like Cheney is President and most of the time they are right.

And speaking of Cheney; what a straight shooter huh? Well, he was involved in that little incident in south Texas last week, but hey, that other guy should have known that you don’t mess around with Dick. So what if Cheney had a couple of brews in

him; what’s wrong with that; used to do it myself until Laura got a hold of me.

And finally, I want to tell you about our latest effort in our war against terrorism.

There’s this Hispanic in Lubbock, Texas; you know the place where they want to build my billion dollar library with taxpayer dollars; the conservative way; the God fearing way.

Anyway, this fellow has been writing some pretty bad stuff about me and Dick Cheney.

He doesn’t know it yet, but his phone line has been wiretapped and I have my people checking out his computer files as I speak.

Is this a great country or what?

Good night, and may the good Lord forgive me and my administration for what we have done.

I’m sure he will; I’ll just have to have another talk with him



Email: acruztsc@aol.com