Will Rogers once said, "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

With that in mind, this week I give way to this country’s late night comics. Perhaps they can figure out what’s going on in our world today; because I sure can’t.

Enjoy!





"According to a new CBS news poll Dick Cheney’s approval rating has dropped to a record low 18; not percent;18 people." --Jay Leno



Earlier today at the White House, President Bush met with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. There was an awkward moment when Bush asked 'How long until the new season of The Sopranos?'" --Conan O'Brien



On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs." --Jay Leno



"Mardi Gras is going on in New Orleans. Actually it's scaled down quite a bit. Now when you throw a bead, women only flash one boob." --Jay Leno



Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday, and of course, this being America, it will be followed by Even Fatter Wednesday, Obese Thursday and Fat-Ass Friday." --Jay Leno



The president has arranged for al Qaeda to guard our ports. This is part of his new plan to fight them here so we don't have to fight them there." --Bill Maher



"Bush is not backing down. He says if this deal doesn't go through, it's going to be a slap in the face to the Arabs, which is amazingly ironic because we have four guys in Guantánamo Bay whose specific job is to slap Arabs in the face." --Bill Maher



The news from Iraq is apparently so bad that today Bush asked Cheney to go hunting again." --Bill Maher



President Bush is now saying that he was not aware that we signed a deal to give these Arabs countries control of our eastern seaports. In fact, today President Bush began tapping his own phone so he can find out what’s going on in the White House." --Jay Leno



Dick Cheney is currently vacationing in Wyoming this week. I understand today he shot an elk. He also shot two Shriners, a Jaycee and a Moose." --Jay Leno

"We're turning our ports over to the Arabs. We can't even turn Iraq over to the Arabs. ... This is like putting Bill Clinton in charge at a Hooters, it's not a good idea." --Jay Leno

"When he (Bush) was in India he saw a

woman with the red dot on her head. He thought she had been hunting with Cheney." --Bill Maher

"At least in India he was greeted by thousands of people waving American flags. They were on fire." --Bill Maher

"President Bush got off the plane in Pakistan and said, 'Pakistan is a force for freedom in the Arab world.' Only problem there is Pakistan is not free and they're not Arab. ... Earlier in the week he referred to the people of India as Native Americans." --Bill Maher

Compiled from various sources

Email: acruztsc@aol.com